Since last November I have been having alot of pressure under my belt on the right side. The surgery in October was to alleviate that. It has gotten worse to the point that when I feel the pressure if I push down the area, I can make it go away for awhile only for it to return. Yesterday, I had an appointment with my surgeon who did the previous surgeries and she said (in her words) “your appendix is being a little b#@&!#d. I removed the scar tissue from it last time because it was folded in half. It appears it folded again so I am going to remove it.” She doesn’t want to because it can mess with your system but…here we go again. April 14th is the date.
Why do I mention all of that? Because since January of 2020 this will be my 7th time visiting the surgeon. After enduring many trips to the O.R. one begins to let their mind wonder what is going on. In fact I go one step further and wonder what God is trying to tell me. At this point in the game each trip to the O.R. is another step towards not dealing with feelings and emotions very well. Just when you think you are on top of things you get knocked down a few rungs.
This is the life of being human. What I can say is that I would rather do this with Jesus leading than doing it on my own. Many people throughout the Bible did not want to do what the Father has asked of them. In fact, Jesus himself said in Luke 19:42 “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will….”. Am I comparing myself to Jesus? Not by a long shot. What I am saying is that we all have to go through the valley to reach the next mountain top. David…the one God used mightily many times had his own issues. He is up again and down all throughout the Psalms. Some of the prophets throughout the Old Testament had mountain top experiences with God only wanting something else bad to happen to them after those moments. This is normal…this is being fully human.
As I go into this next surgery, I am reminded that many others have gone through this as well. I dare not compare myself to anyone else less I be corrected by the ones who try and “one up” me regarding what they are going through. Trust me…there are plenty out there that would tell me what I am going through is nothing compared to what they are going through. As if they are proud of it or something. Regardless, we are all on different journeys and what I am going through…to me…is a big deal. Onward I go however and pray this is it now.
So why blog about this? Well first and foremost is in hopes that you would pray for me. Second, to let others know going through a difficult time that you need to hang in there. Your friends, family and others need you. You will get through this and once again will be back on top of the mountain.
When a person has so many things going wrong with them it is easy to be viewed as a basket case by others. People do really well in dealing with a one off illness. If it is ongoing however, we can have a hard time dealing with it. I know this because I am not the best at caring for people with ongoing or chronic issues. Lord knows I have said things I wish I could take back. Try being a pastor dealing with your own health while trying to counsel others. Some things do not come out well. What some need to understand though is that no one (unless they are sick upstairs) would want this path in life. Trust people who are going through one thing after another when they say "I can't wait for this to be over". The emotional toll this past year and more has taken on me has been a struggle. Through it all though I know God is in control. I will get this "check engine" light looked at once again and will be biking around the city in no time.